My sick little man

Today has just been an overwhelming day for me and I am sure it has been a big day for Rylan too.
Poor little guy has RSV. His cough has gotten increasingly worse, he is throwing up, and running a fever.
This is the first time that he has been really sick and I feel like I have handled it... well, like a new mom who has no clue what to do would handle it.

When his doctor called me back and said they didn't have any spots open for him to come in and to take him to the urgent care... I freaked out.
When we got to the Urgent Care office and they said he was sick... I freaked out.
When they gave him a breathing treatment... I freaked out.
When I didn't have enough money to get him his antibiotics... I felt like I needed to receive the bad mother of the year award.

For the past few nights I have been having the worst night terrors. I guess I do it to myself, though. I follow a lot of children on facebook who have childhood cancer or some type of illness. I figure its the least thing I can do is pray for one of these kids each night. Every prayer helps, right? But every time I look at a page, I just image what pain I would be in if Rylan were to get super sick. My mind does this stupid thing where it makes up stories and instead of it being some random person, its Rylan. So, like I was saying, for the past few nights I have had night terrors of Rylan having to have chemo or I am sitting at Rylan's funeral or Rylan was just diagnosed with something horrible and I can't get a hold of my husband to tell him so I am sitting all alone. Today, when he was coughing none stop and throwing up, its like my head was reviewing these night terrors and it took everything in me to not just break down and cry. And no, I am not on my period.

Worst mother of the year award goes to me. I go to Walmart to get his prescription filled and only have 40 dollars with me. Long story short, while I was at the register ready to pay, Rylan starting hacking up a lung and the cashier was just looking at me like, "and you have him out, why?". Then, when she said it was going to be 65 dollars, I just looked down at the cash in my hand and said I couldn't afford it right now. She seriously looked at me like I was white trash, gave my son a sympathetic look, looked at me again and rolled her eyes, and told me the prescription would be there when we would have the money to pay for it. I cried the whole way home. My husband was able to get paid for some of the work he has done and is currently going to get the antibiotics. But still, the worst feeling ever is having something to help your sons pain go away right in front of you, and you cant get it for him.

I am thankful that we know what is going on with my poor little baby.
I hope that he will get over this soon and start to feel better.
Good thoughts and prayers are always appreciated from those of you who actually read these blogs.