My darling son, John Rylan McCleary Douglas, turned 6 months old today. Words can not describe how fast those few months flew by. I have learned so much from him in so little time and I am already so proud to be his momma.
I praise God every day, multiple times a day, for my handsome boy. I know I have mentioned this before, but ever since I was little, I wanted to be a mother. People would ask me, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" and I would reply, "a mommy." My greatest dream has come true. I am a mommy. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know that it would be so hard. Some mothers make it look so easy. But, I have to admit, sometimes I feel like my nerves are broken and my eyes are glued open from lack of sleep. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Rylan has been my light in the darkness. Even on my worst days, I can just pick him up, hold him, and automatically feel loved. He has taught me patience. I have always been so impatient. I can be sitting in a parking lot for 2 minutes and think it has been 30 and start getting aggitated. But when you are sitting in the car with a screaming baby who just wants to be held, trying to calm him down by singing sweetly, you realize what patience is. To me, it is handling yourself in a calm fashion and being able to make lemons out of lemon aid. I cherish those moments when he cries, because I know he wont be crying for mommy forever. I cherish the moments when he wakes up in the middle of the night after having a bad dream, because I know I wont always be able to be there to hold him. I cherish every smile, every slobbery kiss, and every time he falls asleep in my arms.
Being a mom has taught me how to really enjoy life and have fun. I had my son when I was 19. I got pregnant 2 months after quitting some pretty hardcore drugs. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I quit smoking, cold turkey. (But don't give me props for that, because a month after he was born, I picked back up a cig. New Years resolution is to quit again. Fingers crossed.) My definition of fun before Rylan was going out and goofing off and quite frankly, being irresponsible. But Rylan has taught me what real fun is. Fun is playing peek-a-boo for twenty minutes and laughing non stop the entire time. Fun is singing along to every Veggie Tale song. Fun is having "conversations" with a 6 month old about a dirty diaper and making up a song to go along with it. Fun is teaching him how to use a spoon and laughing when he takes it out of my hands and food goes all over the couch. Fun is tickle time. I could go on for hours. The point is, I didn't know how much joy a child could bring, how drastically being a mother changes you and how much... (I wish I could think of another word for fun) ... fun life could be!
My husband, John, has been a great support to me through everything.This has been our first year of marriage and, trust me, it has not been the smoothest. But he has been a good father to Rylan through it all. I think it took some time for him to let go of being the rambunctious people we once were and move into "father mode." But he has done beautifully. He is always talking about how he can't wait to play cars with him and teach him this and that. I know when Ry gets older, he will always have that man figure to confide in. John Paul loves his son full heartily and I know that he will always be there for him through thick and thin.
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Our families have both been so supportive through it all. Both of our parents have taken us in when we had no place to go, they have helped us financially, emotionally, and sometimes mentally when we need a little extra help. I can not express the thanks I have for all of them. From the moment they first met me, John's family has never judged me and has always given me a listening ear. My family has encouraged me and loved me through it all. They all love Rylan with all of their hearts and I know Rylan loves them. I can't wait until Rylan can play with all of his cousins. John's sister, Laura, had twins last January so they are about 6 months older than Rylan. It will be so much fun when they are older and can play together. He has 7 cousins, all 13 years old and younger, on that side of the family. He will have a blast at family get together's with all those cousins! My sister, Erin, spoils him to death since he is the only baby on that side of the family. My dad, Gampaw Louie, absolutely adores him. It is so great to have a family support system.
John Rylan is my pride and joy. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has taught me more in the past 6 months than I have learned in my entire life. He has taught me true joy, how to love, patience, and much more.
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These past six months have been a blast. I would say "I can't wait for the next six months", but I can. I don't want my baby boy to grow up too fast. I love every second I can hold him and kiss him without hearing, "Moooooom, you're embarrassing me!". He has my heart and I never want it back.
Happy six month, John Rylan. You are my knight and shining armor Thank you for everything that you have taught me, your unconditional love, and your beautiful smile. I love you to the moon and back. Always and forever.
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