The last few days have been rough. I keep thinking about a woman from our church. Her van broke down and financial aid hadn't gone through and everything just kept piling up one after another. She said that the day her van broke down, she just stepped back and thanked God for the van working for so long and started thanking God for everything else positive in her life. So, over the past few days, I have bee trying to do the same. Something negative happens, I thank God for letting it happen because I know the man upstairs knows what He is doing. Today was rough. Nothing was going right and it is the third or fourth day in a row that could be considered a "bad day". I laid in bed crying just thinking "Why? Why can something not go right for just one day?" I tried thanking God and asking Him for help. Where am I at now? The same place I was four hours ago. I feel discouraged and feel like everything is just falling apart. I keep feeling overwhelmed and the more I try to stay calm and find peace, the more poo rains down. I'm not sure where I am at. I know my goals and how to get there, but it just feel like one obstical after another keeps getting in the way. Its just day after day after day of arguing or financial aid not going through or bad moods or whatever the situation may be. What's going to happen tomorrow? How am I going to deal with it? How can I deal with it when its like I am supposed to keep everything hidden away and can't talk about it? I just feel like I am doing something wrong and I can't figure out what it is. I keep praying that one thing will go right. Just one to give me a little confidence boost so I can make it through the rest of the week.
Is prayer enough though? I mean, God isn't some magical wizard that waves his wand around granting good days and bad days. I know everything happens for a reason and I keep trying to stay positive but after so many "bad" things, its hard to think of "good" things.
Where am I going with this? I guess, I am trying to put my faith in God. I am trying to be a better wife. I am trying to work on my future and keeping my word and being honest. I am trying to be positive. I am trying and trying and yet I feel like I am failing at all of the above. Everyone has their bad days, right? I guess I am just having a bad week.
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