Pancake Lady. Period. - One not for the conservatives eyes

I told my husband that I had started bleeding from my vag for the first time in a year. He told me, "Never trust anything that bleeds 5 days out of the month and doesn't die." Sweet, right? Men. They don't understand the pains of being a woman. I mean, when I'm on my period and I try to poop, a blood clot the size of Texas pops out and I'm all like, "Whoa there Lassy!" What man can really say he truly understands that? Sure, sometimes they have small rocks pass through their penis, but try child birth, man. That's like pushing a watermelon through your pee hole!

Like I've stated, I haven't had a period in a year. I don't know how this is going to effect me. I told my husband to forgive me in advance for the next five to seven days. I could cry at any second, yell for no reason, and not see any of it coming. Usually, I am pretty good at hiding my emotions. Recently, I have lost that control and have moved onto the mood swings. I feel like I am on a see-saw in a child's playground. Up and down and up and down. One second I am fine and dandy and craving some chocolate and the next, you tell me all the chocolate in the world has mysteriously disappeared and I could either punch a hole in the wall or start crying uncontrollably.

I remember in middle school, my health teacher showed the girls health class "the pancake movie." It was a movie to describe to young women how periods work. Or maybe a movie about sex. I don't remember. What I remember is the mom in this movie was explaining to her child that she had a vagina and to show her what a vag looked like, she made a pancake... that looked like a vagina with the tubes and all that jazz. What mom does that?! I mean, just sit the kid down and show her a picture book or something. But a pancake?! I tried making a pancake once in a shape of a heart and it just turned out to be a big blob of nothing. That mom must have had some mad pancake making talents because I don't know any person that can sit there and make vagina pancakes as intricate as she did. Darn you, pancake lady. Your vagina pancake is been etch a sketched into my mind for the rest of my life.