Hiding in a hole

So, recently, my past has come back to haunt me on a daily basis. Granted, its my fault and the past wont haunt you if you clear it up, right? Well, I've cleared it up with everyone that I know and now my plan is to hide in a hole. Hiding in a hole consists of concentrating on my school work and taking care of my son.

I'm not sure what else to say. I just feel really down on myself. I have an inmate pen pal who I write to and I feel like we can talk to each other about everything openly and honestly because we have a lot of things in common. I can honestly say that I have never been able to be as honest as I am with her because I know that she wont judge me for my past. I mean, she is locked up for life. Anything I say, she can relate too.

I guess this is a time in my life where I need to reevaluate things and think long and hard about my goals in life and what I need to do to make myself a better person and fix things I have broken. This is not easy for me. I have never been a confrontational person. If there is a problem, I cover it up or lie. I'm not sure where that came from. Growing up, I had a lot of secrets. I guess to cover up my secrets, I lied. Not "good" cover up lies either. Lies that really didn't make sense. Lies to make people feel for me because it seemed like no one cared about my pain. It was my escape.

I never want that to be an example for my son. I want him to always be honest with me. By making things right, I feel like I am starting off by setting a good example though I hope that he never finds out about how "ugly" I was in my past.
As for now, I plan on hiding in my hole and staying off the internet for awhile. I am just going to focus on my studies and my small family. Maybe then, I will finally be able to start over and actually live my life without fear of secrets being found out and not having to lie to cover up lies from years ago.

Here we go.