I am having a very hard time keeping my sanity. John has been working and going to school. He leaves the house around 7 am and is not home until about 10 pm. This leaves me with the full time job of taking care of John Rylan. Now, its not like I was not expecting this to be a walk in the park, but I am more emotionally and mentally drained than I have ever been. Some nights, Rylan sleeps thoroughly. Other nights, he is up every two hours. Since John has been working, I have been watching Rylan during the night and all day and then at night and then all day... the process just repeats itself. Every time I lay him down for a nap, I myself would love to sleep, but I have school to catch up on. Now, since we are so short on money, I will have to find a part time job. So a part time job, a full time mother, and a part time student = two full time jobs. I'm just not sure how, mentally, I am going to cope with it. I feel like I have never been the best at multitasking.
I am sitting here complaining and some of you are probably thinking, "Well, that's what you get for having a kid." or something along those lines. Quite frankly, that doesn't help. You should keep your opinion on whether or not I should or shouldn't have had a child to yourself. And when I moan and gripe, that does not mean that I regret one single thing about having my child because I wouldn't change a thing. I am just stressed out to the max and feel like complaining for a bit. And after I complain, I will go back to the real world and continue my job as a mother and a student. Yes, I know it doesn't sound hard. And yes, I know that "I put myself in this situation" but once again, I don't need negativity. What I do need is more than two stinking hours of sleep, a date night with my husband, and a cocktail. Will I get that? No. Am I okay with this? Yes. Why? Because I have to be. Because that is my job as a mother, to put my child's needs above mine. And that's what I am doing. I don't go out. I am trapped in my house 6/7 days a week. And for the moms out there who say "I don't see why you are complaining. I would love to be at home 24/7 with my baby." CLARIFICATION: I am not complaining about my child or being home with my child. If I could go out and spend a day with Rylan, I gladly would. But do I have a car? No. Can I get out of the house? No. Because my husband is gone all day and he has the one vehicle we have which is a stick shift which I am not comfortable driving esp with a 2 month old baby present. On top of that, try spending day after day after day feeling trapped inside your own home. It plays on your mind and gets really depressing after awhile. So, do not judge before you know all the facts.
I am done ranting, I believe.
In other news, Rylan has his 2 month old check up the other day.
I cried more than he did when he got his shots. He was a little trooper.
He weighs 14 lbs 12 oz and is 27 inches long. BIG BOY!
I am so proud of him. He is getting so big and has been such an amazing blessing in my life.
I cherish every moment I have with him. He is my life line.
John is doing great. I am so proud of him. He is working 8 hour days and taking 12.5 credit hours at school. Though we don't get to see each other much right now, I am very proud to call him my adoring husband.
My financial aid has yet to come through. Don't get my started on that.
School is school. I feel like I have not picked the right profession, but I think I will save that for another blog another time.
As for now, I leave you with this:
Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. – Harriet Tubman
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