I can't really go into detail, but my stress and worry really just overtook me this morning. I broke down for a split second at church and quickly covered it back up. Thankfully, my amazing sister in law just gave me the shoulder I needed to lean on and vent to for a bit about life. Words can not describe how thankful I am for her. It felt good to get some things off my chest.
As a mom, I feel like a goob. Every second of every day I want to hold Rylan and love on him and see him smile. Sometimes though, its like I want to hold him and then as soon as I get him I am like "Oh gosh, I need a break." I think everything is just getting to me lately, but my boy is keeping me strong.
This Wednesday he will be a month old. Time really does fly. I have a special day planned for just me and him. I can't wait. I am going to bake him a cake and make him a little birthday crown. Together, we are going to make a home made hand print stepping stone for our garden once we get a house. I am planning on making one at his 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, and every year after just to see how he has grown. It will be a good keep sake thing.
Part of me never wants him to grow up and wants him to be little and cuddly forever and the other part of me just can not wait for him to get older so we can do things together and he can tell me he loves me. I long to hear those words from him. The first time he tells me he loves me, I think I will bawl my eyes out. Tears of joy, of course. Every mom wants to know that they are loved.
I haven't gotten much sleep lately. I have just been a giant ball of stress. Tonight, John said he would take over, so I am hoping everything will go alright and I can get a few hours of sleep.
I don't have much to write about today. No witty comments or drama to report.
Just an update - I am okay. Rylan is beautiful. I've got my boy and that's all that matters.
i love creeping on your blog, makes me feel like i know whats going on in the life of my katiebug. I want to meet Rylan soon! love you.
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