and courage to do the right thing? How do you know what the right thing is?
Lately, these questions have been running through my mind non stop. I don't know what to do anymore in a certain situation and it just breaks my heart. I have felt so alone and depressed and not having any comfort is just agonizing. I am constantly getting my hopes up to just be torn back down again. I'll use the description I have used before: Its like someone telling you to jump off a bridge, saying that there are no rocks at the bottom. You trust them and jump and hit face first into the rocks. You climb back up to the top and the person says again, trust me, there are no rocks. You jump, trusting, hoping, and yet you hit the rocks again. When will there be no rocks? Do you trust them again? When do you learn not to trust and to step away?
As I have said before in a previous blog, it is hard for me to trust someone, but it is even harder for me to step away from someone that I do trust. Why? Because I have put so much faith in them and want to trust them so badly, that I hit the rocks multiple times.
The thing with life is that you make your own choices. You make choose when to jump and when to say stop. My main question is, when do you know when to stop? When do you know when to walk away and not trust? One of my favorite movies is Moulin Rouge. My brother and I would watch that movie non stop. My favorite song in it is Roxanne. Before the song starts a character gives a speech about love and trust. A quote he says is, "Without trust, there is no love." I have always thought that to be wrong. I have always thought that love can conquer all things, that it trumps over it all no matter what. Have I been proven wrong?
All I want is for Rylan to have a good life. I want him to learn to love and to be loved in return. I want to show him all the wonderful things life can give you. I want him to be able to trust people. How am I supposed to teach him to trust when I myself can not? Its like I am afraid to stray too far from the sidewalk because I don't trust the cars in the road. I am now too afraid to have an adventure because I can not trust where it will take me. I think that saying should be, "Without trust, you have no life." - you will become the old cat lady. I now know why "the old cat lady" has so many cats. She cant trust people, so she puts her faith in something that she knows will never leave her or forsake her. Maybe I should learn to like cats.
Lately, these questions have been running through my mind non stop. I don't know what to do anymore in a certain situation and it just breaks my heart. I have felt so alone and depressed and not having any comfort is just agonizing. I am constantly getting my hopes up to just be torn back down again. I'll use the description I have used before: Its like someone telling you to jump off a bridge, saying that there are no rocks at the bottom. You trust them and jump and hit face first into the rocks. You climb back up to the top and the person says again, trust me, there are no rocks. You jump, trusting, hoping, and yet you hit the rocks again. When will there be no rocks? Do you trust them again? When do you learn not to trust and to step away?
As I have said before in a previous blog, it is hard for me to trust someone, but it is even harder for me to step away from someone that I do trust. Why? Because I have put so much faith in them and want to trust them so badly, that I hit the rocks multiple times.
The thing with life is that you make your own choices. You make choose when to jump and when to say stop. My main question is, when do you know when to stop? When do you know when to walk away and not trust? One of my favorite movies is Moulin Rouge. My brother and I would watch that movie non stop. My favorite song in it is Roxanne. Before the song starts a character gives a speech about love and trust. A quote he says is, "Without trust, there is no love." I have always thought that to be wrong. I have always thought that love can conquer all things, that it trumps over it all no matter what. Have I been proven wrong?
All I want is for Rylan to have a good life. I want him to learn to love and to be loved in return. I want to show him all the wonderful things life can give you. I want him to be able to trust people. How am I supposed to teach him to trust when I myself can not? Its like I am afraid to stray too far from the sidewalk because I don't trust the cars in the road. I am now too afraid to have an adventure because I can not trust where it will take me. I think that saying should be, "Without trust, you have no life." - you will become the old cat lady. I now know why "the old cat lady" has so many cats. She cant trust people, so she puts her faith in something that she knows will never leave her or forsake her. Maybe I should learn to like cats.
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