Questions with no answers

What makes life so good? What makes you get back up after you fall straight on your face? How can the good be there so vibrantly one day and disappear so rapidly the next? What happens when it is gone? Will the happiness come back or will it just stay in the cold dark corner that you are just daring to enter, but afraid of the outcome when it reappears? How do you know what the right thing to do is?

These are questions that run through my mind on a daily basis. These are questions that seem to remained unanswered. Now, there has to be a point to this blog, I'm just not sure what it is yet.

I saw a phrase once that keeps running through my mind: "People change, memories don't." What makes people change? I know the answer to that. Life changes people. Is change good? In my opinion, yes. I used to be afraid of change. I used to be afraid of the death of the ones I hold close. But I am not anymore. I went through a hard time early last year, late the year before that. I got into some hardcore things that were fun at the time and fun looking back, but I would never repeat those times. What made me change? Life. I became a wife. I became a mother. And though I look back on my memories and miss those special times, I don't want to go back to them. Missing something is different than... oh, what am I trying to say? I mean that I know people that miss their past so much that they don't embrace their future. They are so wrapped up in missing those times that they arn't willing to change. Change is a difficult thing and it comes with unexpected turns and disappointment. But it also comes with so much maturity and growth and happiness. The question there would be, do you want to live in your past and miss out on your future, or embrace the change and the difficulties that come along with it? Embrace it, and you will still have the memories of the past, but will be making new ones to look back again on one day. Steer away from it, hide from it, embrace your past, and you may regret what you will be missing.

I'm not sure if I had made a point yet or if I have just been rambling. I have a lot on my mind and yet I am having a hard time putting it into words. I am having a hard time admitting to my thoughts. Thats a problem with blogs- you can write anything you want, but everyone else can read it. Its like, with blogs you have to speak in code so you get your point across without offending anyone.

There is no point to this blog. If there was, it would be that I have a lot of questions that are unanswered. I have a lot on my mind and a lot of things that I need to confront, but I am just too afraid too. The point to this blog is that I just dont know much. The one thing I do know, the one thing that I will never have to question or regret is the love I have for my son. That will never change and that is the one change that I am so glad that I will never make.