Yesterday was my birthday. I turned twenty. Everyone kept asking, "How does it feel?!" Honestly, I was up the entire night before with Rylan as he consistently threw up every half hour and woke up completely exhausted. I felt no different and still feel no different from July 25th to July 26th and now that it is July 27th, I have yet to feel any sort of change. Twenty isn't anything huge. Twenty One is the one that everyone freaks out about because they can go out and make a fool of themselves getting hammered but I don't drink so that one won't be a huge deal to me either. I might change my mind on my birthday and have a drink or two, but I have noticed that I am a bit of an addict. I mean that in the way that if I get started on something, I get hooked quickly, and its not easy for me to quit. So why start when it could lead to a lifetime of unhappiness and dependency on a substance? It's a risk I'm not sure I am willing to take. It was hard enough for me to say no to cigarettes, I don't know if I want to go through another withdraw process. That stinks.
This birthday, was in a way, the best one I had yet. But there is one that, in a way, trumps it. My last two birthdays have been the most pleasant of the memorable ones. My last birthday, my husband proposed to me at the St. Louis Zoo. That was one of the happiest moments of my life. This birthday, I had my son to celebrate with me, the best birthday gift anyone could ask for. So these last two birthdays have come to a tie in the "best birthday" spot.
Update on Rylan: My boy is wonderful. He has started to spit up less and last night he slept beautifully. I have a feeling though that he will be up all night tonight because he slept for the majority of the day today. Unfortunately, I didn't sleep much when he slept because I had things to do around the house. Oh well.
I got on WIC today. I went to my appointment and the people who worked there were "proud of me" for fully breastfeeding. It was like it was a huge shock to them. I don't know how may times I heard "You're doing the right thing" like using formula would end up killing my child or something. Granted, I know breastfeeding is supposed to be healthier for both yourself and the child, but still, it was like I was being awarded a medal of honor for using my boobs for their natural ability to produce milk. I felt like telling them, "I am a cow that has utters." because that's how I feel.
Sometimes I wish I was using formual so that John could help me in the midnight feedings. Everyone says "Oh, just use the pump." but they don't understand how time consuming that is. If I were to pump out every bottle for Rylan to use everyday, I would be sitting on my butt the entire day with suction cups attached to me. I'd rather not waste my time with that. Well, I have and I don't think its quite worth it. I'd rather enjoy my day and be up all night than be miserable sitting on my butt all day and getting a few hours of sleep. I have no clue what I will do when I go back to work.
I have rambled on enough for one day. I think I may try to sleep.
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