I need to start getting over my attachment issues. If I were a band-aid, I would be the kind that just doesn't come off and when it does, it pulls every hair with it.There are so many people around me willing to watch Rylan or just hold him even for five minutes and I am so attached (for a lack of better words) that I wont let go of him. Rylan had his first church visit today and even though I felt way too exhausted to even hold little man, I wouldn't let anyone else hold him because I was too scared to let him go. Because of this, I am running on little sleep and look like a zombie because I haven't taken any "me time." In my mind, who needs "me time" now there there is "him time". I want to spend every second of every day with my son right now. I don't want to miss a single breath for fear that he might giggle and I'll miss it. Ry is going to grow up and be like "mom, you're too much!". I guess I just love him too much.
I don't know how I am going to go back to work. The other night, John offered to hold him while I needed to go to the bathroom and I started to cry because I would be leaving him. Pathetic, right? I have been so weepy lately, I might cry just as much as the baby does. I am a weepy rain cloud. Some of those tears, though, are happy tears. I cried once because I was laughing so hard because one of Rylan's farts scared him and he made the most adorable face.
Right now, Rylan is sleeping. I should be too, I am exhausted. But I even have to watch him when he sleeps because I am afraid he will spit up and I wont hear him and he will choke or that he will accidentally roll over and not be able to breathe. (He is a STRONG little fellow) I think my worry might kill me.
i like your title :p
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